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How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows (With a Template)

A simple four-part template for writing your own wedding vows, a filled-in sample, prompts to get you started, and how long your vows should be.

6 min read

Quick answer

Good personal vows have four parts: something you love about your partner, a short memory, a few specific promises, and one closing line. Use the template below, fill each part with one or two sentences, and you will have vows that take one to two minutes to read.

Want the whole ceremony written out? See the ready-to-read scripts in the workbook

A four-part vow template

Write one or two sentences for each part. That is all your vows need.

1. Start with them. Say their name and one thing you love about who they are.

[Name], I love the way you [a specific habit, trait or way you treat people].

2. Tell one short memory. The moment you knew, or a small moment that sums them up.

I knew I wanted to marry you when [a specific moment].

3. Make your promises. Three to five promises. Mix one or two big ones with one or two small, real ones.

I promise to [big promise]. I promise to [another big promise]. And I promise to [small, specific, true promise].

4. End with one line to remember. Something short you could say again on your fiftieth anniversary.

[A closing line, such as “You are my home, and I choose you, today and every day.”]

A filled-in example

Jordan, I love the way you talk to strangers like you have known them for years. I knew I wanted to marry you the night the car broke down two hours from home, and you turned it into the best evening of the whole trip.

I promise to be honest with you, even when it is hard. I promise to make room for your dreams as well as mine. I promise to listen to the whole story before I give advice. And I promise to always let you have the window seat.

You make every ordinary day better. I choose you, today and every day.

That example reads in under a minute. Yours can be a little longer, but it does not need to be.

Prompts to get you started

If you are staring at a blank page, answer three or four of these quickly, without editing. Then pick the best answers and drop them into the template.

  • What is the first thing you noticed about them?
  • When did you know this was serious?
  • What do they do that nobody else sees?
  • What is a hard time you got through together?
  • What do they make easier for you?
  • What do you want your life together to look like in ten years?
  • What small thing do they do that you never want them to stop doing?
  • What is something you want to get better at, for them?
  • What would you want them to remember on a bad day?

The answers do not need to be poetic. Specific beats beautiful every time. “You learned my grandmother’s recipe so she could taste it again” is better than any line about stars.

How long your vows should be

Aim for one to two minutes each when read aloud, which is roughly 150 to 300 words at a steady, unhurried pace. Read your draft out loud and time it on your phone. If it runs longer than three minutes, cut the memory to one moment and the promises to your best three.

Agree on a rough length with your partner in advance, so one of you does not read a page while the other reads a sentence. You do not need to share the words, just the length.

Say it out loud before the day

Sentences that look fine on paper can be hard to say when you are emotional. Read your vows aloud a few times. Shorten any sentence you stumble on.

Mistakes to avoid

  • Inside jokes nobody else gets. One is fine. A whole paragraph leaves your guests out.
  • Stories about exes or old relationships. Leave them out entirely.
  • Promises you cannot keep. “I will never be grumpy” is a promise you will break by Tuesday. “I will say sorry when I am grumpy” is one you can keep.
  • Teasing that could sting. What is funny between the two of you can land badly in front of their family.
  • Reading from your phone. Write the final version on a card or in a small vow book. It reads better and looks better in photos.
  • Leaving it to the night before. Write a first draft a few weeks out, then put it away and come back to it.

Repeat-after-me vows, if you would rather not write your own

Writing your own vows is not required. If you would rather not, your officiant can read short vows a few words at a time for each of you to repeat:

I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my [wife / husband / spouse]. I promise to love you, to be honest with you, and to stand by you in good times and in hard ones, for all the days of our lives.

Some couples do both: personal vows read on their own, followed by short traditional vows repeated after the officiant.

Where vows fit in the ceremony

Vows come after the welcome and the officiant’s words about the two of you, and before the ring exchange. See a full short wedding ceremony script to see where they sit, or the elopement ceremony script if it will be just the two of you.

Your vows are a promise, not a legal step. In most states, what makes the marriage legal is the marriage license and an authorized officiant, and rules vary by state. Check with your county clerk, not this guide, for what your state requires.

Frequently Asked Questions

Should we share our vows with each other before the wedding?

It is up to you. Many couples keep the words a surprise but agree on the length and tone, so the vows feel balanced.

Who reads their vows first?

There is no rule. Decide in advance, or let the officiant choose. Some couples let the more nervous partner go first to get it over with.

Can we use a vow template and still call them our own?

Yes. A template only gives the shape. The details you fill in make them yours.

Do personal vows need to include certain words to be legal?

Usually not. Any required words, if your state has them, are typically part of the declaration of intent, not the vows. Ask your county clerk if you are unsure.